Thursday, 28 March 2013


I quit!

We have all had this feeling, your chest pounds, the breathing goes shallow, up pops that blood pressure problem which never reared its ugly head until the Quitting Gremlin was clawing at your abdomen trying to climb out of your existence. You cry tears of pain, rain and confusion, it comes flying out of your mouth screaming  I QUIT ...I QUIT...OH FUCK IT...I QUIT!!!

I've been there, you've been there, we all have. Even multi million pound earning athletes have the same problem, it’s a human gene flaw and should be seen as nothing more. Maybe David Beckham appears to be devoid of the quitting  gene  but  whether that’s a sign of courage, intent and psychological training or just a low IQ is debatable? I would prefer to think it’s his courage, ambition and persistence but I'm not sure most of you would agree? I am sure though that he would, so Beck’s I got your back mate.

So back to the athletes...all of them have the quitting gene but they have hired help. Dr Anozolical who has a rate of £1000 an hour will within this price use all his knowledge, training and genius to help with this inferiority complex or the innate problem of quitting within human beings. He will monitor your heart rate, he will test your stamina and fitness levels but this will be at an additional cost to yourself. Also you will have to pay his colleague who is a sports physio and then there’s the nutritionalist because your diet needs a little tweaking and before you know it that £2000 has turned into £3000. These monumental heroes of sport can justify such an expenditure, they earn third world country national debt sums on a weekly basis but yes even these super heroes are susceptible to the Gremlin.

Look at David Beckham in the world cup when he lashed out at someone ... that wasn’t our loved hero that was the Quit Gremlin which took over.

Mike Tyson when he bit Evander Holyfield’s ear off ... would Iron Mike have resorted to such cheating violence when he was 21? No, the Gremlin was only a twinkle in Daddy’s eye in those days.

John McEnroe ... he was riddled with it but it just came out in anger. What he was really saying is ... I can’t cope with this rejection, I’m gonna explode.

Now Dr whateverhisface is now richer than the athletes he serves. After hours and hours sat in the chair, weeks upon weeks training, analysing, reading charts, listening to his self help CD, the athlete is improving his psyche but not necessarily his performance. These things take time and you can always come back for more help if needed, which it could be, How ambiguous is that?

So I think I could do the same job for a fraction of the price how?

You are not as useless as you think you are!

That’s it!

 Plain, simple and easy!

 I would hazard a guess that after releasing £20,000 from their bank accounts, this is ultimately the kind of psychological evaluation they receive.

So that’s the athlete’s sorted.

How does a mere mortal murder the soul of the quitting gremlins?

Well firstly, I suppose we should try to rationalise the decision behind our resignation to the gremlin. Unfortunately, this could be for an infinite number of reasons depending on your situation.

What does the dictionary say about this most shameful of words? How does it describe the loser who uses the term quit? Are we a nasty little abortion of humanity at the end of its tether and not fit for human consumption?

Google the word “Quit”. It isn't as bad as you may think: I've highlighted my positive answers in red.

1.     To depart from; leave:  so I quit my house this morning I can live with that     
2. To leave the company of: I left John in the pub last night does that make me a bad person?.
3. To give up; relinquish: I gave up cigarettes 2 years ago a good thing to me
4. To abandon or put aside; forsake:I don't use swear words or curse in public any more would be a good start.
5. To cease or discontinue I've stopped having negative thoughts.
6. Computer Science To exit (an application). Never a bad thing turning the P.C. off.
a. To rid oneself of by paying: I'm not sure I like this one but we all have to pay somewhere.
b. To release from a burden or responsibility. Work!!! 
8. To conduct (oneself) in a specified way: Quit yourselves like adults.
1. To cease performing an action. See work above
2. To give up, as in defeat; stop. OK this one sounds a little bad but 1 in 10 ain't bad

Read the points above slowly. Read them again.

According to the Dictionary, the evil that is known as quitting, in reality isn't too scary. In fact the dictionary would tell us the complete opposite! All these above reactions promote a sense of freedom.

We are quitting because there is something we don’t agree with or maybe something we don’t like.

 I hate cottage cheese; do I eat it just to prove to the world I'm not a quitter? No do I hell. I don’t like it, why should I eat it?

When it snows I don’t shiver naked while proclaiming my Neanderthal heritage. I hate the cold; I put some warm clothes on.  I dare to say even Andy Kirkpatrick and Sir Ranulph Fiennes do too.  Are they quitters?

So the next time you decide to quit don’t feel disgrace or shame. Embrace your decision ... celebrate your new found freedom. You may have just taken the first step towards positivity and a better life.

Some people will try to ridicule you, ignore them.  Try to surround yourself with positive friends who encourage you.

And if all else fails.


 You are never as useless as you think you are!

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